The Upside-Down News
I happened to have time today to both turn on the tv and to browse national news and, perhaps because I had been out of touch for a while, I was very aware of how all the bad news sounded good to me. Auto sales are down, gas prices are up, traffic is clogged, stock prices are down. Great, so why are all the adjectives negative? Tragic, Disastrous, Crisis, Negative, Troubling, etc.? The only “positive” (sic) news I heard on FOX was that bad weather in the southeast had brought electricity and natural gas prices up which benefited the market. So human suffering is good news when it leads to stock increases?
I want to hear this kind of news report:
In other good news, Italian car sales are down and bicycle sales are up…Meanwhile, underemployed auto-workers have found more profitable employment in green technology businesses which have benefited from reduced red tape.
High gas prices and heightened enforcement of traffic laws in Rome have led many drivers to simply leave their cars at home.
Traffic in Rome today forced motorists to abandon their cars and walk to their destination, leading to a dramatic improvement in air quality and a reduction in the rate of traffic mortalities which is normally one of the highest in Europe.
Markets are celebrating a positive downsizing today as uncertainties have prompted a massive liquidation of investments. Money is instead being invested directly in local community projects such as schools, libraries and green technology startups.
Weather emergencies have helped shut down off-shore drilling this weekend, although this may only be a temporary respite.
Now back to you, Jack.